didja?

Didja get your heartache and your headrush confused?

I find it terribly ironic that some people are afraid of happiness. Like being miserable, sad, angry, sick, disabled, whatever .. is the way they will be forever… Misery turns people into victims who feel like they have no control over their lives .. emotions .. its a complete fucking mind trip .. and you do it to yourself .. this is what i’ve figured out ..

what i haven’t yet figured out is what that point is .. you know the point i mean? the point where you go from helpful to helpless .. its not tangible .. and it sucks .. its like one day you wake up and realize that you don’t recognize the skin you’re in … the life you live .. and you say “what the fuck?” ..

but by then, you’re cooked .. toast … you’re on the couch eating chips .. or not eating anything .. because you can’t .. because its too much work to get up and go to the kitchen .. because you’re tired .. because your job sucks, because your house sucks

but what about the parts in between? what the hell is going on there? and why doesn’t anyone know .. or why hasn’t anyone asked ?? i mean .. think of all the serious cases of depression — that often ruins marriages and other relationships — that could be prevented with early treatment if anyone were willing to think that way ..

see…. we live in this firefighting mode … wait till it breaks and then put some duct tape on it..

convo we had the other night “we need someone who can come in at 2am and reboot the blade server” , response “NO! we need a blade server that doesn’t need to be rebooted at 2am”

gawd!

and most preventive junk isn’t covered by most insurances

argh!

and then, doctors leave the decisions up to the patients .. “what should we do with the medication this month?” , response ” uh .. i dunno .. life is groovy .. lets keep goin” … “ok” ..

why should it be my decision? i’m not the expert .. bah

enough .. too much biking in the background ..

still diggin the eyebrows ..

alot