meanwhile .. back at the ranch ..

Most people think that after you move out of adolescense and into adult hood, that you’ve done all the ‘growing up’ that you’re ever going to do.

So many people end their growth in their mid-twenties when they find a life mate, get married and start making babies. That is adulthood, they no longer need to learn, grow, mature; instead, they need to raise children, watch them grow and mature.

I don’t buy it.

I’m 30 years old (yikes!) and I learn and grow almost daily it seems. I graduated from college over 7 years ago and I’ve just now started to understand how I learn; how I function; how I produce. I’ve started to take notice of things that work in my life and things that don’t. Noticing, then acknowleging, then embracing these little things have helped me be more productive at work. Surrenduring to what I always have perceived as shortcomings is helping me to be more productive at home.

The cobwebs are starting to clear from my brain. My eyes are starting to open and the corners of my lips are starting to curl toward the sky much more often than they’re used to.

Because I find this very interesting, here are a few things I’ve noticed, acknowleged and embraced in the past few months.

Contrary to my lifelong belief, I am MUCH more productive in the mornings, before most people are active, moving, and producing. I think this is linked to ADD, because I’m so prone to distraction. However, when I ACTUALLY get to work by 7:30, I can get a jump on my tasklist before emails start coming, background noise reaches its peak, and walk-up requests and socialization start. If I can wrap my mind around the tasks and projects for the day before the distractions start, it helps to keep me focused as the day goes on.

Although I’m aware that I suffer from clinical depression and Adult ADD, I never realized the extent that my depression increases in the winter time (S.A.D. anyone?). It was only this february that I made this connection. It is unfortunate that my birthday and anniversary are both in february – which has historically been my most depressed month.

Being married and being a ‘wife’ are two completely different things. I may be married, but I am surely not a ‘wife’.

Sex does not mean love, love does not mean commitment, commitment does not mean monogamy.

Just because I try something new and don’t like it, doesn’t mean that I can’t enjoy the experience of trying it.

The only way to truely find yourself is to stop looking so hard. Searching for the thing (career, job, significant other, whatever) that’s going to bring your life together, make you complete, offer unending happiness is just a search for disaster. Only when you start living and stop dreaming, wishing, searching, will true contentment and happiness come.

And what tangible things have I done to embrace some of these things I’ve noticed and acknowledged?

I purchased an alarm program for my home PC that allows me to snooze in 15 min increments (or whatever increments I choose), will let me change the wake-up soundfile, and opens freep.com for me to read. This has been fantastically helpful in getting me out of bed in the morning.

I’m learning to snowboard. Hopefully, next winter I’ll get out to a ski hill a couple of times per week to help with the SAD. Fresh air and exercise seem to do wonders for me.

I’ve found a spectacular Yoga studio and have been to a couple of classes now, including a Basic Yoga class with meditation. This helps me to see the important things in my life. It helps to let go of the things that weigh me down. Yoga clears my head and helps lower my inhibitions so that I’m willing try new things, and embrace the outcome – good or bad.

I’m going to end this post with advice given by Francis in my Saturday afternoon Basic Yoga class:

Notice your feelings, they may not always be swell feelings, but its better to feel anything than nothing at all.

Namaste