I’ve only recently realized that I am very defensive of my insecurities and inadequecies. For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt as if I’m hiding the truth about myself from others, and inturn putting on some sort of act; some sort of show, to seem smarter and more together than I really am – so that no one would find out the truth!
As I get older, however, I’m finding it easier to admit my faults – to myself as well as to others. Recently, for example …
I am not well-read and book smart
I do not like to ask for help and often don’t like to take it
I am not organized, together or in control of most things in my life 😉
and the big one ..
I am not physically limited to what I can achieve on a bicycle. I am however, limtiting myself mentally. The reason why I’m the slowest person I know is only because I let myself be.
I had the most fantastic conversation this morning (afternoon?) about myself, and what it means to be mentally tough .. what it means to mentally ride a bike .. and things I can do to train my mental muscles .. Being able to talk about it, and listen to others’ perspectives without my knee-jerk defensive reaction kicking in was suprisingly refreshing for me.
We got to the breakfast restaurant at 11:47 this morning, and left at 3:43 this afternoon.
Today was the best kind of Sunday you could hope for on a SNOWY april day when its been 70+ degrees and sunny on a regualr basis for the past 3 weeks. Today was the get up late and linger about kind of day that just makes you smile.
What do I have to show for this weekend? A relatively clean house, a relaxed mind and a new approach to my favorite hobby. I’ve got some awesome friends.
you have awesome friends because you’re an awesome chick! book smart isn’t worth much if you’re a miserable person, and noone’s in control all the time. you’re a rad person and that’s what counts, that’s what’s going to get you through the tough times. 🙂