bike vs noggin

“You didn’t race Yankee? Now I’ll definately need a blog entry about that.” – fellow female mountain biker turned full-time rv traveller.

I realized that last summer, instead of getting faster, I got slower. I had high expectations of myself and consequently made myself absolutely nuts trying to be faster for races. Before a race, I’d work myself into a complete tizzy thinking about the race. Then, I’d ride like a dipshit and finish badly. This would lead to frustration, depression and I’d mentally berate myself for days, if not weeks. In an attempt to get faster, I’d go to a trail, ride as hard as I could for as long as I could – which was usually about 3 minutes, then I’d get frustrated, cry and berate myself further.

There was alot of crying last summer. Alot of screaming on the trail, swearing, stopping and crying. Last summer, for me as a mountain biker, was awful.

The harder I tried to make myself faster, the slower I got. Although my technical skills stayed on par, my biking skills were destroyed. My pedal stroke turned to shit as I mashed on the pedals in an attempt to go faster. Since my pedal stroke became so inefficient, I couldn’t push as hard on hills and stopped much more often than I had the year before.

I watched my entire wasted summer ride away from me on the luge climb during the Ore to Shore in August. My one goal – keep up with Claudia – defeated within the first few miles. I stopped climbing the luge within a couple feet of its start. Claudia kept on going and I never saw her again. I was so far behind her that, even after her multi-mile detour off course, I still didn’t catch up.

All summer I searched for the answer to my problem. The real problem tho, was not understanding what the problem actually was. Its only started become clear to me in the past few weeks …
When I first said, “I don’t think I’m going to race Yankee”, the reason was because of my obligation in the Merchandise tent. But after I said those words out loud, I was suddenly lighter, happier, and more confident. When I rode Yankee a couple of weeks ago, it was so much more fun than it ever had been before.. I was absolutely elated after my ride, but if I thought I was racing on the 23rd, I would have been really dissapointed instead.

For me, the racing in general is too much pressure. However, I’m really excited about the 4 person endurance racing. I think the longer races allow me to relax more and therefore ride better. And shit, its supposed to be fun, right?

I already feel like a new person, a new rider .. I mean, like a REALLY new rider – I’ve gone back to the basics. I’m re-learning how to ride a bike. I’ve been teaching myself how to make circles with my pedals, rather than mashing up and down. I can feel my aerobic capacity holding its own, and am only slowed by the weakness in my legs. I’m using muscles that haven’t been used before, because I’m using my entire leg to push the pedals, rather than just a couple of muscles. I’m pushing myself harder – and for longer periods of time – than I can ever remember doing in the past.

But all of this takes practice and time. So, I’m going to practice. I’m going to accept the fact that I am still learning. I’m going to enjoy my bike.