Corporate Hippy

I started mountain biking in the summer of 2003. I was severely out of shape and very much over weight. After the season ended, we started training indoors, and comitted time and money to florine who successfully helped dirt and I loose a significant amount of excess blubber on her weight watcher’s program.

When biking season 2004 picked up, and our exercise/food schedule changed, it became nearly impossible for us to keep up with the ww plan as we’d done all winter.

Here I am, close to 2 years after I first stepped on that ww scale, and I’m almost back where I started from.

Grrr.

Alas, I cannot live like I did when I was following florine’s plan. I was not happy and all I ever thought about was food. Ok, so maybe I COULD live like that if I wanted to, but really, I don’t want to.

This time, I want to do it myself. I know what I need to do. I just need to do it.

I’m not going to bore the average blog wanderer with my weight loss updates, but if anyone should care to follow the path, you can check me out here.

Yes .. the thing I said I wouldn’t do — tracking the food intake — is starting today. My thought is this: I’m not going to go nuts with the writing down of nutritional content in everything I eat. I’m not going to completely skimp myself into a 1800 calorie per day plan. I will (and do) have a daily goal, and I will keep myself in somewhat of check by tracking it and posting it live on the internet. I promise to keep myself honest and track all the food I eat. I will, however, concede that from time to time I will go over my daily goal. This is a situation I’m willing to accept. I would like to keep myself reasonably close to my daily goal without obsessing to the point of exhaustion.

I will do whatever it takes to keep me from bonking while riding my bike. I will not skimp on that.

I will, on occasion, order pizza with pepperoni for dinner.

I will allow myself to eat Taco Bell and Wendys, but will limit myself to what I would get there if I were following the dreaded ww plan.

I will try to walk (at least around the block) with my dog(s) after I eat dinner every night – even if its after 10pm, it only takes a few minutes to walk around the block.

I will spin on my bike at least 2 nights per week, hike a trail at least 1 night per week and get to the ski hill and learn to snowboard.

So, check the link if you’re interested in seeing how I’m doing with this plan of mine .. otherwise, look for a healthier me on the bike in a few months 😉

anyone out there got a show they loved as a kid? a favorite show that you waited for from week to week and got excited while watching the new episode? yeah … me too …

and tonight, when i saw that my tivo is starting to figure me out, i remembered that tingly tense feeling i used to get when i watched *dreamy sigh* buck rogers on tv.

it was kinda like a weird feeling of de ja vu … where i felt like i knew the characters, but couldn’t remember much about them .. kinda like they’re somewhat distant relatives that you don’t see very much, but kinda think about now and then? i mean .. you’d probably go visit them in the hospital (were they to be hospitalized, god forbid) – as long as they were in a hospital that was within reasonable driving distance … but, you probably wouldn’t go much more than an hour or so out of your way to wish them well .. you’d maybe think about sending flowers, but probaby you never would .. yeah … anywhoot, it was that kinda de ja vu ..

so, but then… the more i watched, the more bizzare and ridiculous it was .. tacky, cheesy and terribly amusing … i mean … really … what the fuck is this:

i mean, is this not just the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever seen? i tell ya, it sure is up there on my list .. the dude’s wearing a dalmation skin hat and a fun fur fashion shrug over a crazy plastic muscle suit .. talk about conflicted! zoiks!

and, the storyline didn’t really make a ton of sense … the acting was kinda rough, and the dialog was downright silly .. but it felt so comfortable to watch .. i was so intregued and wished my tivo had recoreded more …

seems like i remembered more action and humor .. there was more flying around in little ships, combat with guns .. and the robot was much funnier and quirky .. the robot was harldy in the eipsode i saw tonight, and mostly buck and the gang just walked around and fell down a little bit … there was almost a war, but buck got the admiral-who-can-take-his-head-off-and-carry-it-around-with-him to the church on time .. *sigh*

hopefully 3 thumbs will help tivo expedite the personality process and bring me some more buck & co .. that’d be pretty sweet ..

its way past my bedtime… gnite folks and go fuck yourselves san diego

since my brain feels mushy, i’m going to jot down some thoughts floating around in it …

allrighty … that’s about all i’ve got right now … i’m going to go hunt down a snack i think …

Cedar Point has a new ride for 2005 … which swings riders back and forth in a seemingly out-of-control pendulum motion while rotating counter-clockwise; at the peak of the pendulum movement that reaches a maximum speed of 70 mph, riders are upside down 140 feet high above the ground.

I was at Cedar Point a couple of weekends ago and I chose not to ride this ride. I didn’t really feel the need to wait in line for 1+ hours to physically feel what I’ve been mentally feeling since early August.

Recently, my friends have been wondering if they should contact my local police and file a missing person’s report because I’ve just not been hitting my regular social scene (which basically means I’ve not been super responsive to emails, and especially unresponsive to voicemails). I’ve been jumping from one thing to the next, leaving me feeling like my head was swinging “back and forth in a seemingly out-of-control pendulum motion while rotating counter-clockwise”

It started with Ore to Shore in early August – a long weekend in the UP with Jess and Mom. Followed shortly (VERY SHORTLY) thereafter by our fantastic Oregon trip – 11 days of travel, including a whirlwind camping, biking and touristing adventure. In my first week of returning from my Oregon bliss, while contimplating and planning our ‘off-the-grid’ fugure, I found myself once again interviewing for a job that I thought was long since lost. Meanwhile, financial problems (due to complete lack of attention to bill collectors, and not so much from lack of funds) created severe stress. Toss in a blown engine in the Jeep (enter serious price tag on getting that fixed), sending the oldest off to college (paying for housing & amenities, and dealing with the ex-wife in the process), and not yet being able to pay for my fantastic new bike (and therefore, having to leave it at the bike shop after every ride) for spice.

Now, all of this alone is alot to process, in my opinion. But then I was offered the new job. So, I’ve got all this other stuff going on in my (already fragile to the point of medication) mental world and now I have to figure out how to leave Harman after 5 years and start something new and scary. I have to say, that overall, I think I’ve dealt with it all quite well. I mean, I won’t deny a blow up here and there, but seriously .. I came out better than I definitely could have ..

I think the ride is finally over. I’ve unbuckled the silly seatbelt and have started to exit the structure. I’m still a little weak in the knees, wobbly and dizzy, but I’m starting to get my bearings now. And with that, I want to say thanks to my pal and soulmate that I married for being so patient, supportive and helpful. Thanks to the rest of my best pals for waiting on the sidelines for me to return to society. The occasional ‘you still alive’ ping was much appreciated and knowing that you’d all still be there whenever I surfaced is touching and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Nearly 5 years ago, I was hired to be an IT Support Analyst. I was hired based on my experience with cisco networking and understanding of network concepts. It was agreed that IÂ’d grow into a network support role and ended up following my job description around from week to week as it changed based on the vision of the IT director.

Even after being promoted to Network Administrator in 2003, I never felt like I had the credibility of a network professional and was never given the opportunity to design/maintain/implement network services based on industry standards and best practices. Often, I felt like my opinion or knowledge was not accepted until it was validated by a consultant or other members of the IT organization.

I’ve been accused of not being a team player, of being unprofessional and proprietary, my dedication to the job has been questioned, and my technical abilities have been ignored. I have lived and breathed this organization for almost 5 years, and I’ve rarely gotten a “thank you” or “good job”. I continually received less than satisfactory annual reviews despite my efforts to understand the expectations that were put upon me. In fact, I NEVER had a clear understanding expectations of my daily tasks and feel that my job responsibilities and description have changed more times than I can even realize.

In the end, I realized that my effectiveness was completely used up and therefore, it was time to go. Just over a month shy of my 5 year anniversary, I started a new job and, what feels like, a new life.

I spent my last 2 weeks wondering if I’d made the right decision. I didn’t have to sit in my new desk for 10 minutes before I realized that this job is different than any other I’ve had, and yes, this was a good decision. I was imediately welcomed as a member of the team. I felt supported and needed. I felt respected and involved.

Today is day 2 and I can honestly say that I’ve left the old place behind. I came to work early. I parked in a new parking lot and let myself into a new building with my new ID Access Badge and, being the first to arrive today, I turned on the lights in a new office area. And I had a cheezy grin on my face the whole time. Why would I grin about coming to work early and turning on lights? Because I realized that sometimes the only option there is, is to try something new.

I’d spent so much time — wasted so much time — banging my head against a virtual wall, hoping someone would listen to me, would respect me enough to acknowlege me that I forgot that anything else was possible. This morning, I remembered that there is more to life than that old place and so, I welcomed myself to my new life.