Corporate Hippy

I’m a very lucky person to have been born with such a great sense of humor because I turned out to be the funniest person I know.

ME:

To: HOEM MIS Site Admins; HOEM MIS ITI; IT WAN Admins
Subject: RE: EU to Domestic ATT routing issues

This problem has been resolved. We found a problem with erroneous routing being redistributed from the Elkhart backup router that was causing intermittent routing loops on the ATT WAN.

CO-wORKER:
Subject: RE: EU to Domestic ATT routing issues

OK
Really you just made that shit up,, right. Makes ya look good. “Yeah and we had to demodulate the squelsh grease inorder to reconform the optimizer circuit”

LOL

so, with the crazy headwind, he walked away from me on that little incline that crosses the road .. my head started to fall in a defeated way, but before it hit bottom, i snapped it back into place ..

sweet tunes in the earholes, i pulled my handlebar close, clenched my teeth, and pulled him back in .. i stood when i needed to .. i grunted when i had to .. and i caught him ..

granted, he had one speed and i had a bunch .. but still .. it felt good 🙂

I’ve only recently realized that I am very defensive of my insecurities and inadequecies. For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt as if I’m hiding the truth about myself from others, and inturn putting on some sort of act; some sort of show, to seem smarter and more together than I really am – so that no one would find out the truth!

As I get older, however, I’m finding it easier to admit my faults – to myself as well as to others. Recently, for example …

I am not well-read and book smart
I do not like to ask for help and often don’t like to take it
I am not organized, together or in control of most things in my life 😉

and the big one ..
I am not physically limited to what I can achieve on a bicycle. I am however, limtiting myself mentally. The reason why I’m the slowest person I know is only because I let myself be.

I had the most fantastic conversation this morning (afternoon?) about myself, and what it means to be mentally tough .. what it means to mentally ride a bike .. and things I can do to train my mental muscles .. Being able to talk about it, and listen to others’ perspectives without my knee-jerk defensive reaction kicking in was suprisingly refreshing for me.

We got to the breakfast restaurant at 11:47 this morning, and left at 3:43 this afternoon.

Today was the best kind of Sunday you could hope for on a SNOWY april day when its been 70+ degrees and sunny on a regualr basis for the past 3 weeks. Today was the get up late and linger about kind of day that just makes you smile.

What do I have to show for this weekend? A relatively clean house, a relaxed mind and a new approach to my favorite hobby. I’ve got some awesome friends.

i have a pretty funny life .. and at the moment, i’m diggin this funny life of mine ..

in the last leg of our trip home, i’m no longer pilot nor am i co-pilot .. i am now fully passenger ..

this means i get the back seat!! its dark now though .. so i can’t work on that hat i started knitting last night .. and i can’t read either of the 2 books i brought with me this weekend (which never left the bag they travelled in) ..

this is good though .. too often, i don’t take the time to reflect on such a great weekend .. i don’t take the time to put some thoughts into words .. often, its too cumbersome to pull out the freakin laptop while i’m in the front seat — there just never seems to be enough room for it to be comfortable .. so, i tell myself i’ll do it when i get home .. but then i get home and just want to chill .. so, by the time i actually try to sit and write (if ever!), the good thoughts are gone, and my fingers just don’t do my memories justice ..

so, i expected a good weekend .. the mission was snowboarding in searchmont, ontario .. but really, i think the snowboarding was a just good excuse for a much needed getaway ..

i’ve only attempted snowboarding once (just a couple of weeks ago), and i left slightly discouraged, but still motivated for another attempt.. dude had never snowboarded before .. but the instigator had just put down some cash for a new rig and was anxious to give it some snow before the season ended .. when jess suggested the trip, i didn’t even hesitate before i was in travel agent mode – did a bit of
research, made some reservations and headed out of town ..

its not a bad drive to soo, canada .. just over 5 hours really ..

friday night was a bit of a wash as there was some coma to sleep off illness, but saturday was a whole new day .. it went something like this:

super canadian extra-greasy breakfast, 1/2 off sale at the snow pants store, gordon, cheaper than expected lift tickets, cheaper than expected snowboard rental, successful heelside falling leaf on the
bunny hill, great beer, the hotty with the dreads, aaron and marco, more falling leaf healside, some unsuccessful toeside attempts, more good beer, hottubbin, waterslidin, knittin, great conversation with
our new friend arron in the comfy hotel bar and a good night’s sleep in a super comfy bed i was so sore after my snowboarding attempts on saturday that we decided to spend the day in the soos before we headed home, rather than trekkin back up to the ski hill .. after laying around all mornin just chillin and talking, and a ridiculous amount of time at value Village, we packed up our pounds of
recycled clothing, grabbed a bunch of Red Maple from the beer store and headed back across the border ..

…….when i was in college, i took a trip to milwalke with some friends from the dorms .. 2 guys and another girl.. the girl was only invited because she was the one with the car (lol). when we got back, i was talking with one of the dudes who was telling me that i’d passed ‘road trip test’ with flying colors (or, as they say in canada, coloures).. debby, however, had failed miserably. the idea was, he said, that when he met a girl he wanted to marry, he was going to take her on a road trip to see how they got along .. to see if they’d survive .. if the road trip was successful, then he could take the relationship to its next level .. if not, they were done 😉

now, let me be clear – in no way am i suggesting that you marry someone because you’ve had a good road trip with them! but if you think about it, what better way to understand compatibility than being on the road? all parties are out of their element, in neutral territory .. often close quarters, relying on each other for guidence, decisions, input, opinions, conversation and entertainment .. if you’re not compatible on a roadtrip, then your roadtrip is just fucking miserable ..

people are their most quirky when on road trips .. so many people have unwritten (and often unspoken) rules about how they want their trip and/or vacation to be .. they get edgy when their travel

companion(s) don’t align with their plan .. this is human nature, i think .. everyone has quirks and and everyone has buttons .. if you find someone (or many someones) who you travel so well with that all you can think about and all you can talk about are your next adventures together, acknowledge it, cherish it, realize it, and honor it .. because those people don’t come around too often ..

thanks to my travel companions for being so much like me 🙂
this weekend was fantastic, lets do it again soon ….

no, this isn’t my dog

ok .. anyone who has a dog (or multiple dogs) will (hopefully) understand what i’m talking about with this ..

my dogs make faces … my boy dog, the younger one, has many more looks in his facial r’epertoire than our girl dog does (she’s just all together cute) … chilli’s face looks different depending on his mood at that particular moment in time..

my favorite is his sleepy/cuddly/morning face…

I generally get up when its still somewhat dark in the morning .. my morning routine is pretty mellow and .. well .. routine .. chilli likes to follow me all over the house as I’m getting ready for work .. when I pause, he stops and lays down at my feet .. if i’m sitting (at my desk chair or whatever), he looks up at me backwards with his cutest morningtime face that shows nothing but love and sweetness ..

he gives me this look that tells me he’d rather be no place other than laying there at my feet ..

i’m still amazed every day at how much unconditional affection and love such a silly animal can emit …

although, i think he does it on purpose because he knows that when i see this face, it makes me forget (at least a little) about the garbage that i often find scattered throughout the house .. or jess’s knitting needles that he ate last week ..

who says dogs are dumb? 🙂

Most people think that after you move out of adolescense and into adult hood, that you’ve done all the ‘growing up’ that you’re ever going to do.

So many people end their growth in their mid-twenties when they find a life mate, get married and start making babies. That is adulthood, they no longer need to learn, grow, mature; instead, they need to raise children, watch them grow and mature.

I don’t buy it.

I’m 30 years old (yikes!) and I learn and grow almost daily it seems. I graduated from college over 7 years ago and I’ve just now started to understand how I learn; how I function; how I produce. I’ve started to take notice of things that work in my life and things that don’t. Noticing, then acknowleging, then embracing these little things have helped me be more productive at work. Surrenduring to what I always have perceived as shortcomings is helping me to be more productive at home.

The cobwebs are starting to clear from my brain. My eyes are starting to open and the corners of my lips are starting to curl toward the sky much more often than they’re used to.

Because I find this very interesting, here are a few things I’ve noticed, acknowleged and embraced in the past few months.

Contrary to my lifelong belief, I am MUCH more productive in the mornings, before most people are active, moving, and producing. I think this is linked to ADD, because I’m so prone to distraction. However, when I ACTUALLY get to work by 7:30, I can get a jump on my tasklist before emails start coming, background noise reaches its peak, and walk-up requests and socialization start. If I can wrap my mind around the tasks and projects for the day before the distractions start, it helps to keep me focused as the day goes on.

Although I’m aware that I suffer from clinical depression and Adult ADD, I never realized the extent that my depression increases in the winter time (S.A.D. anyone?). It was only this february that I made this connection. It is unfortunate that my birthday and anniversary are both in february – which has historically been my most depressed month.

Being married and being a ‘wife’ are two completely different things. I may be married, but I am surely not a ‘wife’.

Sex does not mean love, love does not mean commitment, commitment does not mean monogamy.

Just because I try something new and don’t like it, doesn’t mean that I can’t enjoy the experience of trying it.

The only way to truely find yourself is to stop looking so hard. Searching for the thing (career, job, significant other, whatever) that’s going to bring your life together, make you complete, offer unending happiness is just a search for disaster. Only when you start living and stop dreaming, wishing, searching, will true contentment and happiness come.

And what tangible things have I done to embrace some of these things I’ve noticed and acknowledged?

I purchased an alarm program for my home PC that allows me to snooze in 15 min increments (or whatever increments I choose), will let me change the wake-up soundfile, and opens freep.com for me to read. This has been fantastically helpful in getting me out of bed in the morning.

I’m learning to snowboard. Hopefully, next winter I’ll get out to a ski hill a couple of times per week to help with the SAD. Fresh air and exercise seem to do wonders for me.

I’ve found a spectacular Yoga studio and have been to a couple of classes now, including a Basic Yoga class with meditation. This helps me to see the important things in my life. It helps to let go of the things that weigh me down. Yoga clears my head and helps lower my inhibitions so that I’m willing try new things, and embrace the outcome – good or bad.

I’m going to end this post with advice given by Francis in my Saturday afternoon Basic Yoga class:

Notice your feelings, they may not always be swell feelings, but its better to feel anything than nothing at all.

Namaste

Most people that know me, know that I’ve never really been interested in current events, or reading the news. In fact, nick is baffeled by it – being the information junky that he is.

Well, I’ve been thinking that I’m tired of feeling dumb all the time because I never know what’s going on in the world and I’ve been baby steppin myself into adulthood by glancing at ‘freep’ in the morning.

I’ve only been doing this for a couple of weeks now (more on this later), and I’m not very good at reading many articles (because its usually before 6am). But today, I’m glad I started making this change.

Where it not for my attempt at broadening my horizon’s, I might not have ever known about this amazing man who died yesterday.

I cried when I read this article. For someone to be so generous, giving, successful and loving – yet so modest – this is what makes my heart beat.

I think we all could learn a lesson or two from Mr. Fisher’s life.

Rest well Max.

Detroit Free Press – www.freep.com

The intensely driven son of poor immigrants, Max Fisher combined an adroit business vision, moderate politics, aggressive philanthropy and a keen sense of power to become one of the wealthiest and most influential Detroiters ever. His death Thursday – at 96 – will be mourned from Michigan to the Mideast. Free Press story

is really the best way to eat crow ..

so .. all that bitching i did yesterday … about the meeting that was soooo important that i had to drop everything for ..

well … i got a bonus

me and the rest of the team involved with the project that was the subject of the meeting ..

we all got bonuses

and the bonuses were presented by the CIO since he was in town .. he wanted to take the time to tell us that we did a great job on the project and he wants to incent us to do even better in the future ..

*sigh*

i’ll never figure this place out ..

however, to be fair – i did tell the meeting organizer today (after the meeting) that i had to apologize because i’d spent the week cursing her name 😉 i told her the story and she just laughed and apologized for torturing me .. she wanted to suprise us …

*insert ‘oops’ emoticon here*

so .. um … GO ME!